If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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