Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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