The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
