Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
