Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
