Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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