I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
