I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
