if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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