she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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