well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
