He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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