thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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