drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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