I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize