Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
