flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
