Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have post one night stand depression
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