is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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