420 ftw
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
