So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
