just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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