Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
