So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
try to milk me bitch
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
