I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
