Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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