I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
then he tried to convert me to islam
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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