Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
