i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
