hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
