genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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