You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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