I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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