is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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