i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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