Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
