Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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