I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You left your phone here
Wait...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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