Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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