Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
