I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
