he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
