Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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