I've blown a few things in my day
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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