He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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