i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
