i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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