Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Come see our sink grown plant.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize
