The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
