What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I forget how to act sober
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
