i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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