Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
being pregnant is like rehab
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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