Your face is a jimmy john
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
