Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
