I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
