Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
