I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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