Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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