just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
