He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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