Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
