Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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