I got chris browned last night
Plan B is the new Plan A
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
