my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
