i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The air was thick with penises
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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