Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
