Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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