FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't turn off my feet"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
