im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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