I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
