It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
