Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize