literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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