Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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