Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
