You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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