i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
this just has baby written all over it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
